I wish I knew how to feel whole again. Ever since Brandon moved out, I can't help but feel like something big is missing....and it is! A mother should never have to feel like this. It's the strangest thing- I know he's not dead. I realize that he's just living somewhere else and I know deep down that it's been really healthy for our family to have the constant stress gone. But it hurts so badly to know that as his mother, I couldn't fix his problems or make him better. It seems so unfair that after all the pain and suffering we've endured as parents to this kid, that we couldn't "see it through" as far as his issues are concerned. To put it simply, it seems as though we ran a marathon for the last 10 years and didn't get to finish. That just sucks.
I'm picking up Brandon for a visit tomorrow. He's staying for 5 days. I can't wait to see him, and I'm dreading the stress at the same time. We are bracing ourselves, I have been preparing the kids for his arrival and they are not impressed. We'll see how it goes......I'm sure I'll be blogging about it in the days to come......
1 comment:
bittersweet :-( + :-)
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