The Great Escape.

We did it! We finally managed to organize a mommy and daddy getaway for an entire week...cue the super-sexy music and light the candles! We had it all planned out.....Dominican Republic, a week at a 5-star resort, lots of romance and hotel sex....and no kids, hockey, horseback riding lessons, Beavers, schoolwork, principals or careers to get in the way. It was going to be AWESOME!

The first day there was a little tough because we were up at 4am to make our flight and by the time we landed and took the 45-minute bus ride to the resort we were exhausted! We were so happy to get the key to our love-cave and sleeeeeeep! Until we opened the door. It REEKED like mold!! It was an instant headache and upset tummy all at once. We were trying so hard to be positive, but I finally said, 'I'm sorry, but I can't spend a week in this shithole.' So we went to the desk and got ourselves a new room that didn't smell as bad. As soon as we got settled we knew that we wanted to get some sleep-after all, it was 7:30 at night! Eric plugged in his Cpap machine (for sleep apnea) and guess what? It didn't work. That really sucked for him, because he doesn't sleep well without it. But he was quite positive about and took the 'I can't do anything about it so why get upset?' attitude which was great. It was the attitude that I should have taken when I woke up with my period the next day. The first freakin' morning of my first fricken' vacation in 3 flippin' years. My stupid period was late by 2 weeks and I had actually told myself that I'm sure that it's early menopause, maybe I won't even get it anymore? Very stupid girl. Anyhow, again- not much we could do, so I cried about it then went on my merry way to the pool....

Over the course of the week we adopted a routine which went like this: beach, pool bar, lunch. Infinity pool, nap, dinner. All week, that's basically what we did. It was lovely, except for the shits that set in around day 4. That day, we went to the pool and laid on chairs very close to the bathrooms!

As we navigated our way through our all-inclusive coma (we just aren't used to doing nothing for an entire week!) I think we realized that we could relax in spite of our setbacks. That even planning a holiday around my monthly cycle is not a guarantee. That Eric doesn't need sleep as much as he thought he did. That the shits suck, but Imodium helps. A lot. And above all else, no matter what is going wrong, it can all be made right again by drinking the appropriate amounts of Cuba Libres or Mojitos in the pool. Amen mon amigos.

Lists and Blessings...

Well, I've decided to put on my Big Girl panties and be, well, a big girl. I'm taking each day as it comes and trying to be grateful for all that I have. I have a lot and my new outlook is helping me deal with the day-to-day stress I wrote about in my last blog post. So, I have decided to compile a list of the "blessings" in my life. They are as follows:

I have not one, but TWO bulldogs now. I am so lucky that one of them (the baby) shits and pisses on the floor regularily. But at least I have a floor for her to defecate on, right? I swear her bladder is the size of a chickpea because she can't hold it in at all. But I am truly grateful to have her and her screwed-upeyethatissurelygoingtocostusafortunetofix in my life.

I love my kids and they are a constant reminder of the great sex Eric and I used to have. What a joy and a privilege it is for us to put ourselves last for these grateful creatures! Whether it be waking up in the middle of the night to catch the puke or getting up at 5am with Sam to make sure he's not watching soft-core porn on satellite television, it is an honour to give sleep/money/sex/our souls for people that appreciate it soooo much.

Work is a joy that never ends. My job is very rewarding most of the time and I really don't mind working 12 hours straight without a break because some woman I don't know has cracked and bleeding nipples. I feel very happy to contribute to our family's bottom line so we can pay for the lessons and groups that our kids participate in! It's always a great feeling when we can give our 17 year-old (who has a job) money to go and eat dinner at the Keg for her friend's birthday while her friend stands in the doorway waiting to go! I'm sure Emma appreciates my hard efforts at work!

Marrying Eric was the best decision I've ever made. Who else would be willing to work so hard at a relationship under these circumstances? He's a Taurus and he's half-French, half- Italian AND he's so stubborn and pushy that he never gives up on us....I just covet that guy!

I have some really great friends. Unfortunately, I see the girls at the Starbucks drive-thru more than I see most of my friends. It's not really a choice. It's just all the above blessings that prevent me from seeing everyone as much as I'd like. Especially the far-away friends! I wish I could gather all of my girls and put them in the house next door so I could just go over anytime I want!

So, you see, I'm really focussing on the positives in my life. There are so many! Now go and make a list of your own.....

Intimate Moments.

Our dog gave birth to triplets last week and it was one of the most intimate moments that my husband and I have had.

Isn't that weird?!!?

I mean, we're not weird people....we realize that Jewel is only a dog. But she has been such a part of our family and we felt such pride and excitement when those puppies were born! As a woman who's had 4 kids I felt, for the first time, the excitement and anxiety that comes with waiting for a birth.

It started a few weeks ago when the local vet did the xrays and said, "I'm sorry. There is nothing on the xray that suggests that Jewel is pregnant. There is a condition called a false pregnancy that some dogs will experience." I left that vet's office in tears. I know my dog and I knew that she was changing, physically and emotionally. But I tried to accept the fact that there was a good chance that she wasn't pregnant.

Until I felt those suckers moving.

It was almost as exciting as when I felt my own children move about in my stomach! It was the confirmation that we needed to continue to nurture our dog and to bring those puppies to term. It was the reason we planned a week of vacation around a c-section. And it was the reason we were so excited when the vet technician brought us a box with 3 brand-spankin'-new girl bulldog puppies. It was as though we knew in our hearts that Jewel was pregnant and technology hadn't quite caught up with it yet.

An entire series of events happened to make our sweet, sweet Jewel give birth to her triplets. And we were so excited and ecstatic to be a part of it that it became a very, very intimate moment for us.

What marriage doesn't need more of those?

Love Unlimited.

Tonight I am feeling VERY proud of myself. It occurs to me that on Monday I officially start my new job and Goddammit, I'm proud of myself for getting that job! I knew that it was mine from the minute I saw the job listing online. It basically had my name written all over it so it was easy for me to keep my focus. I am proud to call myself a nurse, proud to be working at a great hospital and proud to have followed my calling in the "birth world" without actually having any more kids myself!!

But at the same time, I'm scared shitless.

What if this job isn't everything I have imagined it will be? What if I hate it? What if I try and fail?!!? When I went back to school I had no choice but to succeed. I took a leap of faith by becoming an Operating Room nurse and it worked out for me but what if I can't handle the stress of working weekends/nights/with all those hormones?? Whenever I have these thoughts I try to think about the one person who believes in me ALL THE TIME. He totally believes that I will be amazing, just as he never doubted for a minute that I could go back to school and be successful. Just as he never for a second doubted that I would get my dream job. My Eric is the one person who tells me I can do something before my brain figures it out because he sees me as a strong, succulent, smart woman.

So, while I am suffering my pre-job jitters I will stabilize my urge to freak out by trying to see myself through his eyes. Because not only does he see me as a happy, fulfilled, successful birth centre nurse he also sees me as a woman with a great perky set of breasts! I'll take it:)