I know I'm getting old and tired. I feel it in my bones, the way I wake up at 5:30am every day, the way I fall asleep on the couch at 8pm....I can feel it when I'm raising my second 'round of kids too. Kristen and Sam are not getting the same amount of discipline as Emma and Brandon because, quite frankly, I'm tired as hell.
I get mad at myself sometimes, but not for long because I don't want to waste my precious energy on beating myself up over it. I have a lot of other things to beat myself over, believe me!
So today, in the Fracture Clinic, I really saw myself through the eyes of others. There were about 100 of us in the waiting room. The clinic ran about 90 minutes late, so I had lots of chances to not discipline my kids....it's not that they were horrible little assholes, running around and banging into people's broken limbs or anything. They just fought a lot and tattled a lot (ugh!)...I know that they were bored and that's cool; I was bored too! But today I noticed that I'm not as uptight about teaching them lessons EVERY time I have the chance.
Maybe, just maybe, I'm not as old as I feel. Maybe I'm just mature enough to know that a dog chasing his tail is just that- a dog chasing his tail. He never catches it, right? I think I have just realized that I am not going to gain anything by nailing the kids every time I get the chance. Plus, I don't want to get out of my rocking chair everytime I have an opportunity. Can ya blame me?!!?
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