Tired and just....tired.

I know I'm getting old and tired. I feel it in my bones, the way I wake up at 5:30am every day, the way I fall asleep on the couch at 8pm....I can feel it when I'm raising my second 'round of kids too. Kristen and Sam are not getting the same amount of discipline as Emma and Brandon because, quite frankly, I'm tired as hell.

I get mad at myself sometimes, but not for long because I don't want to waste my precious energy on beating myself up over it. I have a lot of other things to beat myself over, believe me!

So today, in the Fracture Clinic, I really saw myself through the eyes of others. There were about 100 of us in the waiting room. The clinic ran about 90 minutes late, so I had lots of chances to not discipline my kids....it's not that they were horrible little assholes, running around and banging into people's broken limbs or anything. They just fought a lot and tattled a lot (ugh!)...I know that they were bored and that's cool; I was bored too! But today I noticed that I'm not as uptight about teaching them lessons EVERY time I have the chance.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm not as old as I feel. Maybe I'm just mature enough to know that a dog chasing his tail is just that- a dog chasing his tail. He never catches it, right? I think I have just realized that I am not going to gain anything by nailing the kids every time I get the chance. Plus, I don't want to get out of my rocking chair everytime I have an opportunity. Can ya blame me?!!?

Stress free.....Wha...???

I can't remember the last time I just relaxed on a weekend. I do recall that before I had kids my friends and I would get together and play tennis, go golfing or watch movies during the day. Those were the days when I had basically no stress, no worries, no problems....I am feeling a little tired of the treadmill of wake, work, sleep. Probably because my kids really can't appreciate how hard it is and how thankless it is. Even on the days that they are in school I am busy trying to run around, do homework (5 weeks left!!) and clean up the mess they left behind. In fact, I often have someone home on those days- sick.

Sometimes I wish I could just step out of my life for a day or two. With my husband....I would take him with me.....after all these years, he's the one I want to spend my time with. Actually, I don't know a lot of couples like us- work, stress, kids- it hasn't stopped us from being in love. You know how a lot of couples still love each other but they don't feel that heart-stopping in love feeling? Well, we still have it....and it makes our kids sick!! We have discovered that the fastest way to clear a room of kids is to start kissing each other.

Anyhow, if my kids understood anything about anything they would totally leave us alone once in awhile. And I guess if I understood anything about anything, I would thank my mom for allowing me to have stress-free weekends with my friends when I was young.

Thanks Mom.

And tonight, a different kind of music........

I am writing this blog to the sound of both Kristen and Sam crying in their beds. It seems as though sibling rivalry is getting in the way of a peaceful bedtime routine, so tonight I refused to read them a story or let them brush their teeth. Kristen is freaking out because Sam "hit" her 20 minutes ago, and Sam is freaking out because he's not allowed to brush his teeth. (He's a very task-oriented person and it's killing him that he can't carry out all his evening tasks!) I have been struggling with this routine all week while Eric has been away and I was hoping that he would be home tonight to help me out but he's not.

You see, Eric called me from Heathrow to tell me he's leaving me and he's not coming home.

KIDDING!! He's not home yet because, are you ready? **Deep Breath**.........

His flight from Ireland left an hour and a half late so he arrived at Heathrow too late to make his connecting flight to Toronto so he had to wait a few hours to get a flight to Montreal and when he got there he found out they cancelled the flight from Montreal to Toronto because of a malfunction on the plane and the next flight into Toronto doesn't land until 9:30 tonight.

WHEW!!

I just can't wait to hug him. I'm sure he's gonna be exhausted.....So now I don't feel so sorry for myself for having to deal with the whole "Bedtime Routine"....he's still sitting on a plane and in the time it has taken me to write this blog, the crying upstairs has stopped. Aaaahhhhhh!!!!