The Resurface of Old Joanne.......

Ugh. Today I totally lost my cool. You know, I used to be a really tough cookie before I met my rock-solid husband. When I was on my own with 2 little kids I was nobody's fool because I didn't have anyone to back me up. But I have softened considerably since I met The One.

Well, today I found that "Old Joanne" and it only took a group of about 8 teenage boys to bring her around.

I was at the school to pick up Emma and Brandon after their exams. They weren't at the regular meeting spot, so I decided to take a cruise over to the convenience store to see if I could find Brandon. And he was there. With a bunch of boys. Smoking. I pulled up beside them and opened my window and said, "BRANDON! Get in the car now." So he put out his smoke and got into the front seat while I yelled at his buddies, "Hey! I heard that smoking kills you!" They kinda just stared at me so I took the opportunity to "cuff" Brandon. As I was turning around to leave the parking lot, one of those little f**kers looked right at me and made a smoking gesture and laughed at me.

Well.

I slammed on the brakes right beside him and put my window down. I was LIVID. I said, "Do you have something to say to me???" and the kid just stood there looking stunned because I'm sure he knew as well as I did that I was ready to get out of the car to "cuff" him too. His friend punched him in the side of the face and said, "No. He has nothing to say." So I drove away.

When we were driving home I had Emma, Sam, Brandon and Brandon's friend Alex in the car. I had previously agreed to take Alex home from the exam. I turned to Brandon and said, "You are not going to Alex's house today. You are going home." To which HE said, "No I'm not. I'm going to Alex's and if you force me to go home I'll just leave."

Well. Well.

So I slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road. I said, "You have a choice. You can come home with me or get out of this car right NOW and find your own way in this world." So, of course, he came home with me. When we pulled into the driveway I looked at him and said, "Don't ever call me out in front of your friends again. I refuse to lose which means you will never win in those situations." Let's just say that he's spending a lot of time in his room this afternoon.

I am not proud of the fact that I let those boys make me so angry. In my mind I could see myself throwing them down in that dirty parking lot like cigarette butts. But at the same time, I was glad to see some of my past strength resurface! I guess it's not gone....just put away until I really need it. Now- hopefully that strength will quietly carry me through these very trying years as the mother of a troubled teen.

Hate to say, "I TOLD you so!"......but I'll say it anyway.

Yup. Not long at all until a little drama came back into our lives via Brandon. Yes, Brandon never fails to deliver the drama in our little lives. And he doesn't even realize that he's doing it! Because tonight Brandon is at his friend Alex's house and I am stewing mad over the fact that Emma told me that a girl at school told her that she saw Brandon smoking outside Coffee Time near the school today with "like, dirty 19 year-olds". Whew! I am BESIDE myself....on one hand; I can't tell Brandon what to do with his body (he's almost 15) On the other hand; I am sooooo wanting to punish that little sucker for doing harm to his body. Not to mention the fact that he swore to me/promised me that he didn't smoke anymore.

I have showed him the pictures in my medical dictionary of lung cancer, mouth cancer (really gross) and even penile cancer (THAT should have hit home!) I have talked to him about why/when/with whom he smokes and how he can avoid it in the future. But apparently, he's swayed very heavily by peer pressure and who knows? Maybe he's addicted to nicotine now....that would really, really suck.

Some parents might say, RELAX!! IT'S ONLY ANOTHER TEENAGED BOY CAUGHT SMOKING! Others might say, AT LEAST HE'S NOT ADDICTED TO CRYSTAL METH! And then there's the parents out there who have lost their kids who would kill to have the chance to intervene on such a situation.... In the back of my mind, I know that I'm over-reacting emotionally. So I try to think about what my dad would do about this situation.....

And after careful consideration, I have decided to go to the school at 9:10am and 12pm every day until I catch that little f**ker red-handed.

What Do I Know?

Turns out, not as much as I thought. Or hoped.

Last night Eric was outside doing something with the truck, when he saw Brandon 'round the corner of the house and light up a cigarette. Eric was so shocked he asked Brandon what the hell he was doing!! To which Brandon replied, "Nothing." HA! "Nothing" but break my heart!!

So, when Eric brought him into the house to tell me I tried to remain calm. (Having been smokers ourselves didn't make the situation any easier because we know that it's a lifelong battle to quit.) I asked my second-born why he was smoking and he said he just wanted to try it. Oh. OK. But, when I was trying smoking at 14 years old, I wasn't doing it by myself at the side of the house! So, in essence, I don't believe a damn word of it.

So- I immediately went to Emma. You see, if Emma knows anything she can't help but spill her guts....but, she was truly shocked. She actually said, "Ewwww!!! That's so sketchy! He's going to turn into a sketchy kid. I knew it would happen!!" And then she basked in the glow of NOT being the Bad Kid for a moment. (She missed her curfew by 2 hrs on Saturday night)

What did I think that I knew? I thought that Brandon would be the last kid to start smoking because he's been the most vocal about how disgusting it is. I thought that I had given him enough information about it that he wouldn't need to try it. I guess I thought that my kid, my kid would be better than to reduce himself to smoking-especially last night when he is suffering from a really bad chest cold.

But I guess what I now know is that my kid is only human. And no matter how much I hoped for him to be perfect, he's going to be who he'll be. It's his path to take.........but I'm not going to stop calling him "Smokey" for a looooong time.