Christmas.....angry with a touch of hostility

Ahhhhh!!! Christmas vacation is in full swing. It's actually not too bad so far- Christmas Day is over (and with it most of the chaos), Emma has been working a ton, thanks to her job in retail and we managed to spend a snowy 4 days at my parents' farm. Right now, we are caught in that valley between Christmas and New Year's. This is the time when we have moments to reflect, to ponder.......and we have been pondering A LOT about Brandon moving home.

I am really, really stuck. He's acting a bit of an asshole, really. Typical teenager mixed with unexplained anger and a bit of defiance. On one hand, I want my kid to move home so badly it actually hurts. On the other hand, I don't want to introduce all of that drama back into our lives....the other kids and Eric have been quite happy without all of the bullshit Brandon just naturally carries along with him. I want Brandon without the bullshit, and I have the feeling that it's just not possible right now....he seems a little lost, a lot angry and it doesn't seem as though there have been a lot of expectations placed on him at his dad's house. When he moves back home he needs to be ready to put some work into himself, and at this point he just doesn't seem too interested.

So- to move him home, or not to move him home?

As soon as I know, I will turn to my blog.....after all, a girl has to have some form of stress relief, right???

Undecided.

Sometimes I hate being a grown-up. Yeah, I can drink whenever I want and if I don't feel like doing the laundry nobody will yell at me, but sometimes the weight of making life-altering decisions pushes me down. I'm at one of those crossroads in my life. Brandon wants to move home and it's not a decision that I can make with my heart. If I could, he would be at home....but I have 5 other people to consider and that sucks just a little bit.

Turns out he doesn't like living at his dad's house. His dad's girlfriend is "a bitch" (agreed) and it seems as though his dad is sooooo important at his job that he works ridiculous hours and is never home. Add that to the fact that Brandon is missing his siblings and some good home-cooking and you've got a kid that wants to move back home. Seems pretty simple, right? Bad teenager moves away, realizes that life at home was better, moves home and becomes a responsible member of society. Well, I don't have my rose-coloured glasses on this time. That kid can be CHARMING and I refuse to be cast under his spell! I'm sure he has learned that life is better and more comfortable at home but I can't get something out of my mind.......

While we were driving him home on Sunday night, Brandon was talking to us about what he's learned since he left. One of the things he believes is that he was addicted to drugs. Seems that he was addicted to the feeling of being high and that he fell into a crowd of kids who felt the same way. Not his regular group of friends, but some kids that he met at the local coffee shop. Sooooo, while I really want to bring him home, get him counselling and put him in a 12-step program I have to consider the fact that there are other people whose lives will be affected by me "saving" Brandon, yet again. According to Brandon, there is a lot more access to drugs in the small town he currently lives in, but that he's been avoiding that scene. I do believe that because he's passing in school and not skipping class. So, you may ask, why rock the boat if he's doing well? It appears that he's becoming unhappy. I'm afraid that he'll turn to drugs to deal with the pain of not coming home. So, I'm still mulling this situation over. It's not an easy decision to make and in the end I'm sure I'll make the right decision for all 6 of us.

It just sucks.