Friday, October 29, 2010

Beautiful Girl.

There are times when being a mom is so exhausting, you think you could lay down and sleep forever. I'm not talking about sleepless nights with a bitchy baby. Those are hard times, for sure, but after awhile, things get better and you catch up on your sleep. That's like the 'sprint' part of the race; I'm talking about the 'endurance' part- the part where you have to have the same 'talks' (about curfews, friends, boyfriends, money, etc....) over and over again. And for the most part, things really don't get totally resolved but everyone feels better for letting it out. Sometimes, it seems as though it takes years of 'talks' to get through to a kid! We take these 'talks' pretty seriously with Emma and Brandon because of the situation with their dad. It's like we are emotionally checking in with them to give them lots of opportunities to talk, vent, cry, whatever. It's our idea of helping them stay healthy because Steve (otherwise known as the sperm donor) drags them down all the time.

We had one of those 'talks' with Emma this week. At 18, she is a beautiful, smart, charismatic young woman. She is, admittedly, insecure about leaving the nest and experiencing new things because she doesn't want to miss us too much. Great. So, now on top of having the courage to actually 'let her go' we have to force her ass out the door, too?!!? It's all too much's the part that exhausts me. But I know that I will continue to build her up so that she will someday see the wonderful woman that I see when I look at her.

Today, as I was reelilng from kids' Halloween costumes, dogs being fed, lunches being made and dealing with Brandon, Emma came up from her room ready for work. She looked in the mirror at herself and said, "I look really pretty today." I said (wearily), "Emma you have always been pretty." To which she replied, "I never felt pretty in high school, but I do now. I'm so happy!"

It was like an energy shot to my exhaustion. It was a glimmer of positive energy. It felt like I could keep up this marathon of positive affirmations!

Until she has PMS again.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

You're Fatter Than you Think.

Trust me on this one.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda crappy. You know, sore joints and tired all the time. I had been thinking that maybe I have something wrong with me medically. But yesterday my knees were hurting and when I looked down at them I felt like I was choking. So, I went over to the mirror and looked at my reflection. Like, really looked. It was bad. Really, really bad. You see, the reason I was choking when I looked down is because I have as many chins as my super-fat Bulldog! The worst part about the realization that I'm so fat is that I had been fooling myself for sooooooo long. I figure, I'm either really stupid or really, really great at talking myself up!!

So what's a girl to do? I joined Weight Watchers today. I told the girl at the desk that I'm a "great signer-upper!". She laughed and gave me a little personal counselling (I'm sure she wants to 'save' me!) She told me that in 4 weeks, when I think about quitting (I always quit around the 4 week mark for some reason??), that I should think about my kids. Not in the I'mgoingtodieifdon'tlosetheweight way.....but in the ifyourkidisn'tdoingwellinmathdoyoutellhimhecanjustquitmath? way. Obviously the answer is no, quitting isn't an option. So, this time I am going to really just look at this on a day-to-day basis and I'm sure sometimes it will be hour-to-hour. I'm not going to turn this into a weight-loss blog because I have a lot of interesting things to write about. But I am going to hold myself accountable from now on and that may include posting about it from time to time.

People are always surprised to hear that I have 4 kids. I always say, "I earned this body!!" But my goal is to become the person who is healthy and happy with myself and to truly feel as if I earned it.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Great Escape.

We did it! We finally managed to organize a mommy and daddy getaway for an entire week...cue the super-sexy music and light the candles! We had it all planned out.....Dominican Republic, a week at a 5-star resort, lots of romance and hotel sex....and no kids, hockey, horseback riding lessons, Beavers, schoolwork, principals or careers to get in the way. It was going to be AWESOME!

The first day there was a little tough because we were up at 4am to make our flight and by the time we landed and took the 45-minute bus ride to the resort we were exhausted! We were so happy to get the key to our love-cave and sleeeeeeep! Until we opened the door. It REEKED like mold!! It was an instant headache and upset tummy all at once. We were trying so hard to be positive, but I finally said, 'I'm sorry, but I can't spend a week in this shithole.' So we went to the desk and got ourselves a new room that didn't smell as bad. As soon as we got settled we knew that we wanted to get some sleep-after all, it was 7:30 at night! Eric plugged in his Cpap machine (for sleep apnea) and guess what? It didn't work. That really sucked for him, because he doesn't sleep well without it. But he was quite positive about and took the 'I can't do anything about it so why get upset?' attitude which was great. It was the attitude that I should have taken when I woke up with my period the next day. The first freakin' morning of my first fricken' vacation in 3 flippin' years. My stupid period was late by 2 weeks and I had actually told myself that I'm sure that it's early menopause, maybe I won't even get it anymore? Very stupid girl. Anyhow, again- not much we could do, so I cried about it then went on my merry way to the pool....

Over the course of the week we adopted a routine which went like this: beach, pool bar, lunch. Infinity pool, nap, dinner. All week, that's basically what we did. It was lovely, except for the shits that set in around day 4. That day, we went to the pool and laid on chairs very close to the bathrooms!

As we navigated our way through our all-inclusive coma (we just aren't used to doing nothing for an entire week!) I think we realized that we could relax in spite of our setbacks. That even planning a holiday around my monthly cycle is not a guarantee. That Eric doesn't need sleep as much as he thought he did. That the shits suck, but Imodium helps. A lot. And above all else, no matter what is going wrong, it can all be made right again by drinking the appropriate amounts of Cuba Libres or Mojitos in the pool. Amen mon amigos.