You know how great it feels when you make a good decision? Like, when you buy a top that you KNOW is going to look great with at least 3 pairs of the pants hanging in your closet? Or like a pair of shoes that you are going to wear with a bunch of different outfits? That's how I feel about my decision to marry Eric. Since the moment I said "Yes!!" I have never second-guessed myself. He is the yin to my yang, the Clyde to my Bonnie....he's my everything. He's my cheering section, my second opinion, my better half.
He makes me a better parent. I'm better at my job because of him. I'm a better friend because of him. I love myself more because of him.
I actually love him more than a great top or any pair of shoes. He's more like the best bra you could ever buy with support and lift.
It's funny how you can't always get what you want, but you do get what you need....there was a great Rolling Stones song about that, and man!! Mick Jagger was right on the money with that one!
Brandon is home for a couple of days while his dad is away at a conference. The Brandon that left this house in June is not the same Brandon that is sitting in my tv room right now playing XBox with Sam and Kristen. I have never seen him so happy. And not happy in a pot-induced way...more of a contented, focused kind of happy. He has patience that I haven't seen in a long time and he seems to be having a good time with his little brother and sister.
It makes me want him to live at home with us again.
But- I know for a FACT that he wouldn't stay like this if he lived at home. Instead, he would fall into his old habits with his old, bad friends. And even though I am a bit of a selfish person, I would never want him to go back to the ditch he used to live in, ya know what I mean? I really want Brandon to become a happy, well-adjusted person and for whatever reason, he isn't able to find that person here with us.
So, although I really, really, really want Brandon to live with us I know that I can't have it right now. But I do get these brief glimpses of a new and improved Brandon that warms my heart. And that's what I need.
Ya know, life is pretty strange. They say that everything happens for a reason and I truly believe it.....it's just hard to see the reason when something bad is happening to you. Recently, we lost one of our beloved bulldog puppies to a congenital illness. It was heart-wrenching for us, because we had become so attached to our little "Sicky" over the 4 weeks she was alive. We knew she wasn't right- we were hand feeding her around the clock and holding her all the time to keep her comfortable. In the back of our minds we knew she wasn't going to be healthy if she lived...but we fell in love with her sweet face and we probably kept her alive longer because we were selfish. In the end, our sweet little Sicky couldn't breathe and couldn't eat so we made the decision to euthanize her:(
This happened a little less than a week ago and the pain is still there. I'm surprised at how much it actually hurt in the end considering we knew, we knew that she was very sick. But we are moving on with the 2 remaining puppies and loving them while they are with us. We are keeping one of them, for sure, and it sure is hard to consider losing another puppy by selling the remaining one....
So all of this reflection still leads me to wonder: why did a helpless little bulldog puppy have to die? What is the reason??
One thing I know about this for sure? We will NEVER raise another litter of bulldog puppies. We are awesome at taking care of them and any litter of puppies would be lucky to be co-raised by our family.....but we are too soft-hearted to accept how fragile life is.