There are times when being a mom is so exhausting, you think you could lay down and sleep forever. I'm not talking about sleepless nights with a bitchy baby. Those are hard times, for sure, but after awhile, things get better and you catch up on your sleep. That's like the 'sprint' part of the race; I'm talking about the 'endurance' part- the part where you have to have the same 'talks' (about curfews, friends, boyfriends, money, etc....) over and over again. And for the most part, things really don't get totally resolved but everyone feels better for letting it out. Sometimes, it seems as though it takes years of 'talks' to get through to a kid! We take these 'talks' pretty seriously with Emma and Brandon because of the situation with their dad. It's like we are emotionally checking in with them to give them lots of opportunities to talk, vent, cry, whatever. It's our idea of helping them stay healthy because Steve (otherwise known as the sperm donor) drags them down all the time.
We had one of those 'talks' with Emma this week. At 18, she is a beautiful, smart, charismatic young woman. She is, admittedly, insecure about leaving the nest and experiencing new things because she doesn't want to miss us too much. Great. So, now on top of having the courage to actually 'let her go' we have to force her ass out the door, too?!!? It's all too much sometimes....it's the part that exhausts me. But I know that I will continue to build her up so that she will someday see the wonderful woman that I see when I look at her.
Today, as I was reelilng from kids' Halloween costumes, dogs being fed, lunches being made and dealing with Brandon, Emma came up from her room ready for work. She looked in the mirror at herself and said, "I look really pretty today." I said (wearily), "Emma you have always been pretty." To which she replied, "I never felt pretty in high school, but I do now. I'm so happy!"
It was like an energy shot to my exhaustion. It was a glimmer of positive energy. It felt like I could keep up this marathon of positive affirmations!
Until she has PMS again.