In most families there is challenge...when a number of people live together and interact EVERY SINGLE DAY, there's bound to be challenging times. Ours is, and has always been, Brandon. I'm sure some people might think, "God! Leave that kid alone and let him live his life...nobody is THAT much work!" But the truth is that having a relationship with Brandon is THAT much work. He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle. He is beligerent, lazy, self-absorbed and a bit (a lot, actually) of a liar. He is also sensitive, caring and a good friend. Oh, that's right!! I DO see the good stuff too....but lately I'm having a hard time seeing the good stuff because of all the other crap.
Every time I interact with Brandon it feels like I'm swimming in a river with a really fast current and I'm soooo close to drowning but I never do! Instead I just keep swimming and swimming and all I feel is exhaustion.
Nobody has ever been able to "figure" this kid out.....no teacher, no Child Youth Worker, no therapist, nobody. I think that Eric and I know the most about Brandon and we're absolutely lost. LOST. And the worst part is that I think Brandon is on to us. You know when we were kids and we got into trouble, it just seemed like our parents knew what to say and do? That's not Eric and I with Brandon. Lately, Eric has been so patient and all I feel is rage. I'm so SICK of this person forcing me to deal with his problems....I am sick of him giving nothing and expecting so much in return. I am sick of feeling unsure about what to do, how to handle the daily issues. I am..............drowning.............
I've never seen a kid so determined to sabotage his family, his safe place. I've never had such a hard time coming from a place of love. I've never had a more difficult time figuring out what positive experience I am supposed to take away from raising this kid.
My friend Kristy told me to try taking the emotion out of the experiences that I have with Brandon and it may be easier to deal with him. I've really tried to do that and it does work, but at some point those emotions have to be released- and I think that's what has just happened.
2 comments:
I would let Brandon read your blog. Let him see the real pain and the thought that goes into him from his mom and dad. One day Im sure he will switch around. Until then your the parents. Stay on him and love him. What else can we as parents do.
We are not giving up on this kid!! Sometimes we get so tired of dealing with it, but we are both committed to seeing him grow into the wonderful man we know he can be. I have thought about letting the kids read the blog but I'm afraid then I won't be able to be brutally honest. Thanks for the encouragement!!
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